Penile Issues & Male Sexuality
One of the problems that men experience with their sexuality is isolation.
Indeed, it's no surprise, because while women seem to be almost pre-programmed genetically to share information with each other and to connect emotionally in a way that men are not, there is also a driver for many men to remain isolated because of the belief that they need to "be strong".
Nowhere does this manifest more than in sexual problems, since the culture we live in suggests that all men should be strong around sexual issues, and that to seek help from either their partner or their doctor, let alone their friends, might be an indication of some kind of weakness or lack of masculine power.
Yet what makes this even more ironic is the fact that nowhere are men more susceptible to difficulties than in the area of their genitals and sexual performance. This is partly because men are expected, even now, to lead during sex – to make it easy for the woman, to dictate the course of action and reaction during sex, and generally to "give the woman an orgasm".
Now I'm not arguing with the social basis for that, or indeed a biological one, because I do think that there is some truth in it – men penetrate, they drive forward, they seduce and win, and all of these are actions which indicate a role for masculine energy around sex of initiation and powering through obstacles to get to a target.
But leaving aside any analogy between sexual behaviour and masculinity, we are still left with the fundamental issue that men, for one reason or another, cannot seek help when they have sexual issues to deal with.
These issues fall into many different categories, the most common of which is penis size, which is addressed elsewhere on this website: penis size and how to please women.
But besides worries around penis size, there are definitely issues around the shape and appearance of the genitals, the merits and demerits of circumcision, and in particular, the question of hypospadias or Peyronie's s disease, both of which make a penis look different from the average.
And whether we like it or not, in this society penis size and shape is definitely an indication (in men's minds, at least) of masculine power and strength. See the photo to the right. What do you immediately think? Which penis would you prefer to be the owner of?
It's a hard fact to take, but there is a clear association between penis size and masculinity. It follows that any man whose penis is different from the average is likely to experience some kind of shame around his sexual appearance, or his sexuality, or he is likely to be left with a compensatory drive – perhaps, for example, to overachieve, to prove himself to be a real man, or to prove how masculine he really is.
In essence what I'm saying is that no deficiency or difference of the genitals can leave a man untouched in some way.
If you happen to have hypospadias you can find some useful information here, and if you have Peyronie's disease you can find useful information on this website. The question of penis size, as I've already said, is addressed on this particular website on another page.
Moving on from genital size and shape, there is then the thorny question of sexual achievement and sexual behaviour to bring into this equation.
Men suffer from three fundamental sexual problems: premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation, and erectile dysfunction. Yet beyond this simple statement of fact, there are plenty more problems that men and in particular adolescent boys can experience – worries about the use of porn, worries about their sex drive, worry about the appearance of ejaculate, testicular changes, prostate problems, testicular size, varicocele, and so on..... and on .... and on.
That's leaving aside all of the issues that men might feel about approaching women, being rejected, or anxiety around sex – particularly if they've been abused or emotionally mistreated during childhood!
So let's look very briefly at some of these aspects, and provide links to greater resources where you can find out more.
First of all then, let's start with delayed ejaculation.
Click on the picture for more information on delayed ejaculation.
Most men who experience this – and that seems to be around 10% of men, certainly a lot more than is generally thought – like to believe that it's a physical problem, due perhaps to penile insensitivity or some other deficiency. Regrettably, with the exception of diabetic neuropathy and a few other conditions such as multiple sclerosis and post surgery nerve trauma, there is no evidence whatsoever to suggest that any difficulty in reaching ejaculation is due to physical causes.
And of course, you may well have guessed, if it's not due to physical causes then it must be due to psychological and emotional issues. And it has massive emotional consequences, not least for a man's partner.
And indeed, if you work with men with delayed ejaculation, what you come to understand pretty quickly is that in the majority of cases there are some pretty powerful emotional issues at work. In general these could be summed up as anger against women, emotional disconnection from self and from the sexual partner, and a low level of sexual arousal during intercourse.
The simplest way of looking at this is to see delayed ejaculation as a defensive strategy, where the man avoids the ultimate form of intimacy with a woman (ejaculating inside her). Indeed, one gets the impression that men who have delayed ejaculation are working very hard during sex - but to little effect. Sometimes their partners are multiply orgasmic, and express pleasure about it, but in general, most women feel disconnected and isolated from the man with whom they are supposed be engaging in an intimate lovemaking experience.
Now the good news about this is that a cure is possible, although there is a difference between enabling a man to function normally as far as ejaculation during intercourse is concerned, and helping him establish an intimate relationship with a woman. Nonetheless there are plenty of websites on the Internet which offer good information on this subject. Check this out for example.
By contrast, premature ejaculation represents a situation where a man is far too aroused during intercourse, and as a result reaches his point of ejaculatory inevitability and ejaculation far too soon. I see this as a problem where men have great deal of emotion - usually fear or anger against women, or around the issue of sex itself - and as result their nervous systems are highly aroused before they even begin to receive sexual stimulation.
Neurologically, there is probably very little difference between sexual stimulation and emotional stimulation in causing a man to become more aroused, so with a high level of emotion mixed with sexual excitement, it's no wonder that a man may ejaculate far too soon.
Premature ejaculation affects up to 50% of the male population, at least when it's defined by sex ending before the man and his partner wish it to do so. Control of ejaculation will certainly consisted of lowering a man's anxiety or reducing his anger, although this may require psychological work, and giving him some practical techniques that allow him to lower the rate of which is body becomes aroused reaches the point of no return, a.k.a. the point of ejaculatory inevitability.
Finally Erectile Dysfunction
Erectile dysfunction can be caused by many things, both emotional and physical, as demonstrated by the fact that Viagra only succeeds in restoring erectile function in about 80% of the men who take it (and some sources say that the figure is even lower).
Now you may think that this is simply an indication that some men's erectile mechanisms are beyond repair – and that probably is true, but the fact of the matter is that men who have not had an erection for many years, given the right treatment approach, can suddenly find their erections return just as strong as they ever were.
This behoves us all to take great care in diagnosing physical problems like erectile dysfunction, when the roots of sexual impotence may be far down in the subconscious.
There is a good website here which offers some support and help on the matter, and some approaches to treatment which can be useful.
Read about manifestation here.